Reflections

Today was a day devoted to reflecting on what we have accomplished so far. I really hate writing because I am really terrible at putting the things I am thinking onto paper because it always sounds a lot better in my head. Also, it is so hard to express an experience in words. There is only so much I can say about something but to live in the moment and really have the experience makes such a difference. In this post I hope to reflect the best I can about the past two weeks in Nebaj. Today we went around and each person said a learning moment- a time things did not go exactly as planned- and an impact moment- a time you felt you made a difference in someone's life. This got me thinking and reflecting on our experience and not only how I have effected change in other people's lives but how this experience has changed me.

I have realized how truly blessed I am to be born in the family I am. I know that sounds corny but there are many experiences I have had that have helped me put this fact into a little more of a perspective.

1. I was able to have a childhood. Kids here grow up so fast. Once a child can they are expected to provide constant help to the family. My family which was very well off, the children were in charge of running the tienda that was in front of the house. Kids carry around machetes with them so they can cut down wood and bring it home. When we went horseback riding a 13 year old kid was the guide walking us three hours into the woods while we were on our horses. If my mom had told me to guide horses for tourists for 3 hours when I was 13 I would have laughed in her face. At 13 the most productive thing I did, what seemed like the hardest thing in my life was my homework. If my parents were to ask me to make my bed or do the dishes I would complain.

2. As a girl, I was able to have the same opportunities as boys. Almost every girl in Nebaj follows the same path. They go to school, find a husband by the time they are about 20, get married become the mom of the house- expected to cook all three meals a day, wear indigenous clothing at all times, wash all the clothes, and probably be cheated on by their husband by the time they have kids that need the fathers support. Of course there are exceptions but today we were told a story that really hit home to this pattern. One of the most successful asesoras (the local entrepreneurs we work with) in our program is a woman. She works in Xela and to one of the campaigns she was really late which was very unlike her. The whole group was pretty annoyed as the campaign could not start without her because she had all the products to sell. But, she finally arrived and had brought her kids. She was late because her mother was supposed to take care of her kids but refused to that morning because she did not approve of her daughter leaving her children all day to go and work, it was disrespectful to her family and she refused to watch her kids while the mother left. So, all morning the asesora was trying to find a place for her kids and ended up bringing them with her. She was so apologetic and did not want our program to think less of her as an entreprenuer because she brought her kids with her. Of course the program was understanding and had no hard feelings but this story really put into perspective how hard it is to be a women here and not follow the same path most of the women do. She was defying the odds and working to provide for her family and her own mother was ashamed of her. I am blessed and feel as though the world is on my shoulders. My being a girl does not limit what I can be and this story even empowers me to want to show the world what I can do. Of course I want to be a mom and raise a family with children but the fact that it is normal to wait until you are older and I have time to find my passions, a job, and there are so many amazing women I am constantly surrounded by who can do it all.

3. I have no barriers to learning. The mom of the kids I lived with just simply could not help her kids with their homework. She was better off than most parents, she could read Spanish. Most families first language is Ixil, an indigenous language. In school kids have a class in Ixil but all other classes are taught in Spanish. For parents who cannot speak or read spanish how are they supposed to help their kids with homework or effectively aid in their learning? My mom did not understand math at all and my brother had a math test the next day. He had gotten a 40% on his last test and the mom could not help him. I tried to help with his homework but it was so hard when he had no basis of understanding. He tried to convince me a positive x positive = negative because negative x negative = positive. I was able to effectively teach him how to do it, but what would he have done if I were not there? There is an enrichment program that Soluciones Comunitarias helps fund in La Pista, a very rural area we visited that was hit extremely hard by the civil war, that helps with this problem. They bring in students after school to help them with homework because the parents cannot. It fills up so quickly because this is such a huge problem. Another sad story addressed this issue. Muoser's mom in Nebaj told him that last year their daughter was not able to go to school because she is a working mom who's husband left her with no financial support and she could not pay for her school and the husband refused to help.
I am so lucky my parents could simply help me with my homework, could pay for my schooling, and could be a support system for my educational goals.

4.  Nebaj is filled with very few different types of people: there are the indigenous wives who lead the lives I described, some faithful working husbands who carry around machetes and work in the fields most of the days, and there are the drunk men who you find either passed out in the middle of the side walk or stumbling yelling down the street. Alcoholism is a serious problem in Nebaj and I have never seen anything like it. Alcohol to everyone is the devil because of what it makes people become. I have never seen so many people passed out in the middle of the street eyes open wreaking of alcohol. Or screaming in the middle of the night because a drunk man is starting a fight. Or walking to work at 7am and walking past a stumbling man talking to himself.

Other memories that made an impact:

• Giving my first near eye exam and getting better at Spanish
• Being told I was not good enough to give an exam and he wanted to talk to someone else
• Not being able to help fix every problem just providing the best service we could
• Answering why we were not just giving away our products but selling them- trying to be a sustainable business
• the NEED for stoves and the impact they could make was so apparent- a room with black walls from the smoke from cooking on the ground
• Trying and learning from our first Charla
• Mercadito Success!- the teachers appreciation
• Changing the layout of Descanso
• Painting the walls of the Centro Explorativo
• Playing with the Special education kids 
• Meeting with the president of Solcom- giving our reflections and advice
• Stove Days success!
• Going to an evangelical church with my family
• Playing volleyball, marbles, Super Marios, grand theft auto
• Not wanting to leave Nilo- giving them a picture frame
• Wearing Traje! 
• Horseback Riding and weaving lessons
• Bonding in Hotel Villa
• Running in the mornings to the waterfall
• Seeing the incredible Water fall and appreciating nature